Life is like a Twilight Saga!

So life really is like a Twilight Saga! Team Jacob or Team Edward seems to be all the talk these days!! Even if your reading this and are a hater... I hope that you still can connect with what I'm getting ready to share. As I was pondering on the events that have surrounded my life in the past few weeks, I started comparing it to the Cullens! WARNING: If you don't know what happens then dont read ahead. I don't want to ruin it for you.Now please don't misunderstand any of this. I do by NO means think any of this is true as far as vampires and werewolves. Just an analogy!!! So anyway....there has been a lot on my mind lately. Do you ever wish your mind could just rest or stop thinking for awhile. Us girls minds are always racing,anal zing and just worrying. Well at least mine does. Ive been trying to enjoy my summer and time off from everything, But with quiet time, comes analyzing. I seem to be standing still watching family and friends walking by towards a goal, new destination, dreams.....I love getting to be apart of these adventures and watching God work through them. But it has made me feel like I'm missing something. Like maybe I forgot to buy a ticket to get on this journey everyone seems to be heading to. I have also through several circumstances have felt tired and no more energy to be fake. I hate knowing that when I have a conversation with certain people I know its going to be fake. What do I say? How do I make this relationship work? Do I even want to make it work. I have been without a church for several months now and am trying to really figure out what and where God wants me to be. Its like when Edward and his family try being humans and fit in a world that is totally against their every grain. They are not human..no matter how hard they try to be. They each have a talent and gift that can be used for the good. Who wouldn't want to be like Alice and see what was next and how to prepare for it. Or Jasper and make the atmosphere always calm and positive. I personally would LOVE to have the gift!!! Lately it seems like Im surrounded by such negative beings!!!! Don't you hate the way it makes you feel. Its like it tears through the core of my being. Even when I was little my dad wrote in a letter he had put in my baby book that I was the most tender hearted. I just don't know if I wear my heart on my sleeve too much and need to put a case around it so it will repel what comes to me......or if I just can't stand negative atmosphere. In some ways I wish I could be like Bella where I don't let many people close to me or in near enough to hear my thoughts or feelings. But that really isn't me. Maybe Im just made to share and experience hurt when I do. Even tonight when being excited about some worship through music.....it was crushed by people I had invested time and cared a lot about. I know that if I knew from the core of my being that I was made for worship with God......I would run from Church as far as I could. I wish as Bella learns that I could shield myself from hurt and others around me. Or to have one of their vehicles that never get pulled over by cops...and Im sure their expiration dates on their license and tag NEVER expire. But the biggest thing Ive realized is that I do possess a power that is so much greater than I could ever imagine. When Jesus shed His blood and died on the cross and I chose to accept that gift....then the same power that rose Him from the grave is in me. THEN why don't I know how to use it? Im on a hunt to try and tap into it. Im tired of standing still!!! I don't want others to feel as I have felt even tonight...hurt and not apart of something. I miss being apart of a worship group and crave it everyday. Why should we be criticized following Gods directions...even when it looks different than anyone has seen. So I don't belong on this earth....its just a temporary place. BUT while Im here I want to use and know all the gifts and power God has put in me. I hope I find it. By the way....Im Team Jacob!!!
draft